The Nature Theater of Oklahoma ([info]nuncstans) wrote,
@ 2006-01-07 23:22:00
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Current mood: grumpy
Current music:Sufjan Stevens - John Wayne Gacy Jr.
Entry tags:depression, jimmy johns, michigan, midwest, shopping, trayf, ups

Michigana
I'm tired of the lie that Midwesterners are straight-taahkin', haanest-dealin', friendly blond goyim. Midwesterners are mean!

[info]anarqueso got me thinking about this with her post about community. Readers, I am rarely depressed. I mean, I get "depressed", like when it's gray outside and I'm bored and broke, and I have a hunger headache and I see a poster for a Michael Douglas movie. But real depression is something I've been lucky enough to avoid.

But since moving here, this depression has been creeping up on me. For the first time in my life, I am a total failure at making friends. Seriously, high school was hard. Middle school was hard. But I always had friends. That was never the problem. My problem was with authority. But now suddenly I am in a position of authority, and I am totally lonely.

I don't know exactly what the problem is. I was trying to gather up some anecdotes to make fun of this place, but I'm too sad. Here are some unembellished examples of me being rejected and abused by Michiganders:

UPS lady: So that pyaahckage will bee there aat aprahximately too p.m. E.T.A. Ehstimayted time of arrival.
Me: Oh, thank you so much! I didn't know UPS could do an E.T.A.! [laugh]
UPS lady: [frostily] Good-bye. [hangs up]

Me: Excuse me, do you have anything like dish towels or dish rags?
Mean bearded man: [silence]
Me: I just need something to wipe off my countertops, you know...any kind of rag or cloth...
Mean bearded man: [silence]*
Me: [make some kind of apparently over-the-top-big-NY-Jew gesture with my hands and probably every muscle in my face, as in, "please, take all day"]
Mean bearded man: Whoa! Easy. [languidly moving one arm as though through mercury] Over there.
Me: Thanks [leaves]
Mean bearded man: Wait! [laughs disparagingly**] Over there, [pause meaningfully as though teaching me a lesson] downstairs.
Me: You mean, downstairs, in that corner.
Mean bearded man: [shakes head no] Yes! Yes!
Me: OK, thanks a lot. [leaves]
Pickled-looking woman wearing holiday sweatshirt: Wait! You're looking for LINENS?!
Mean bearded man: [in a burst of salesmanship] Ahbviously ahll ahr linens are grooped by theme. Yer Christmas linens are gonna be with the other Christmas items.
Me: [slowly] OK. Thanks a lot. [goes downstairs, there are absolutely no linens anywhere in the vicinity of the corner Mean Bearded Man has indicated. The linens are in fact hidden under a pile of fur capes, in the middle of the room, crowned by some kind of animal skull. I am not making that up. It is not funny, and even depressed I'm not that bad of a writer.




*Is it some kind of like Swedish witticism to just not respond to a direct question?

**What is up with acting like the fact that I'm not born 'n' raised here, as in here in this store, ought to make me ashamed? See also, [incredulous] "You dunno where the Jimmy Johns*** is?!" and my patient response with wide eyes and ingratiating smile "I'm new here. I don't know where anything is", answered with flustered grumbling, as though I have moved to their town purely to annoy them, followed by a begrudging answer which is inevitably that what I'm looking for a)doesn't exist, b)requires a car and/or c)is at The Briarwood Mall [which naturally b)].

***Syntax unknown. Purveyor of perhaps the world's only COLD BACON SANDWICH. With NO OPTION TO REHEAT. [Edit- this BL-no-T may be the trayfest thing I've ever seen. You'll have to ask [info]superchango what it tasted like, although connoisseur of trayf that he is, he threw 2/3 of it away after repeated requests to heat it, crisp it, or otherwise fix it were met with stony stares and the obviousness that Jimmy Johns (sp? I prefer to think of it as "John" as in "bathroom") HAS NO OVEN. Why would you possibly want any sort of heat-generating mechanism when the best January treat is cold, soggy bacon, draped over a mound of mayonnaise smothering limp shredded lettuce. Available only in footlong increments, on wonder-sub. Price: $3.25. Trayfer than olive loaf on white with a glass of warm whole milk? Trayfer than cheez whiz/pepperoni canapes garnished with mini shrimps? You decide.]

Edit 2: Oh my god. I just looked it up, and it's not only a national chain but much, much worse than my sarcasm could ever convey.


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[info]gordonzola
2006-01-08 06:36 am UTC (link)
Are you friends with [info]prof_southbay? Ann Arbor almost killed her. you should talk.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

[info]nuncstans
2006-01-08 06:48 am UTC (link)
Done! Thanks for the suggestion.

(Reply to this) (Parent)

[info]smallstages
2006-01-08 08:11 am UTC (link)
I followed you over here from the comment you left in [info]anarqueso's journal because you seem to be realizing my worst fears. Here I am, almost forty, and applying to doctoral programs for next year in all kinds of places where I know no one -- one of them Ann Arbor. I keep telling myself that I make friends easily, that being a grad student (even a really old one) is a friends-making situation given the nature of the cohort, that I've always had to fight to get the alone time I need, but ...

But truthfully, I can't even remember the last time I felt lonely, and I'm wondering how I'm going to handle the isolation that might come with relocation to some place like Ann Arbor or Bloomington or Urbana after having spent the last fifteen years on the West Coast, ten of it in California and five of it in Oregon.

I was all, "How bad could it be?" But, apparently, it can be pretty bad, huh?

(Reply to this) (Thread)

[info]nuncstans
2006-01-08 05:04 pm UTC (link)
Well, I've been here less than two weeks, and I'm joining up mid-year, in JANUARY (as in, freezing-cold winter which itself causes more isolation). I think starting a doctoral program in September would be a radically different experience, because you'd be starting out with a group of people all in the same situation. My grad school experience was very mixed, and sometimes it felt very far away from my friends and family, but I did end up having a great group of friends. But yes, it can be bad, so definitely visit, and ask people what the bad parts of life there are (not just the people the department has chosen to escort you around).

(Reply to this) (Parent)

[info]hunterxtc
2006-01-08 08:40 am UTC (link)
The Midwest doesn't really embrace people that are different... the theory of different being that if you have lived on the east or west coast, and you come to the wonderful Midwest, you must (a) be a spy for some government kabal or (b) you are a terrorist.

I will admit, I like Ohio on the whole- the people are generally much friendlier than anyone I met in Boston or New York City, and they are more willing to help you if you are down and out. Although I'm sure you will be able to adapt to the harsh reality that is "the Midwest", a lot of people will come here from the coasts and of course find fault with it, and they of course are going to be looked at with "the evil eye of the Midwest."

But then again, I probably got the same thing when I lived on the east coast.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

[info]nuncstans
2006-01-08 05:10 pm UTC (link)
The thing is, I hate it when people living in metropolitan areas look down on the periphery. I try not to make assumptions about people I don't know (but not-making-assumptions itself might be a metropolitan trait, because you know first-hand, from daily contact with a wide range of people, that you can't tell crazy by the accent or the suit it's wearing).

But I really wanted to love the Midwest. I still kind of do want to love it. With the UPS lady, I was ready to triumph Michigan as a place where even terrible corporations could function locally in a human way (no UPS in NY has EVER acknowledged the possibility of telling me when they'd actually show up).

But I find conformism really cloying. I asked my students a question the first day (did they want to read this thing in class, or at home) and nobody answered. I asked again. Silence. I said ok, raise your hand if you want to read this here. Everybody looked around, nobody raised their hand. I feel like this creeping authoritarianism in our culture is just much more obvious here, and it freaks me out.

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)
(no subject) - [info]hunterxtc, 2006-01-08 06:05 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]nuncstans, 2006-01-08 06:28 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]smallstages, 2006-01-09 04:47 pm UTC
Trying to Love the Midwest - [info]nuncstans, 2006-01-08 05:21 pm UTC
Re: Trying to Love the Midwest - [info]hunterxtc, 2006-01-08 05:34 pm UTC
Re: Trying to Love the Midwest - [info]ms_priestypants, 2006-01-08 05:51 pm UTC
Re: Trying to Love the Midwest - [info]hunterxtc, 2006-01-08 06:13 pm UTC
Re: Trying to Love the Midwest - [info]nuncstans, 2006-01-08 06:27 pm UTC
"Everyone was so blond there that brunettes were often presumed to be from foreign countries."
[info]mistersmearcase
2006-01-08 03:11 pm UTC (link)
So painful, because I remember all of this stuff from four years in Chicago, which is probably significantly less intense, being more urban.

People in the midwest always think you're weird or depressing unless you keep the things you say and the tone in which you say them within a very narrow, proscribed sort of framework. And if you don't seem to be one of them, they treat you with suspicion much of the time. The key in the midwest is to make friends with other foreigners and bond, maybe.

I would always read Lorrie Moore, who's a northeasterner who ended up in the midwest and wrote stories about it. I'm not even a northeasterner (except all Jews kind of are) but I found them reassuring and funny and sanity bolstering.

It's so ironic that the northeast is the place with the reputation. New Yorkers are so much better and more open to each other than midwesterners. They'll tell you to fuck yourself if they really mean it, but it's not their assumed stance. In the midwest it's all about the thin veneer of cheerfulness masking deep, resounding xenophobia.

Oh, my god, and the accent...

(Reply to this) (Thread)
Re: "Everyone was so blond there that brunettes were often presumed to be from foreign countries."
[info]nuncstans
2006-01-08 05:18 pm UTC (link)
I have a certain friend (well, really more [info]louie_ludwig's friend) who, as a Jew coming out of the Midwest as a teenager identified as a person of color. From a NY perspective, it was somewhat ridiculed and roundly problematized, because there are totally Jews of color, and he wasn't it. But being here I can almost understand it--in that EVERYBODY HERE IS WHITE. This is the whitest place I have ever lived, and it's UNHEIMLICH. The only people of color who are visible are students, mainly east asian and south asian, some african american but the ratio is so depressing. You see hordes of identically-dressed, lockstep whiteness coming toward you, and it's like something out of a nightmare, all with their University sweatshirts and identical winterwear, as thought they're about to break into song-and-dance, and the whole thing is going to become The Midwest: The Musical.

(Reply to this) (Parent)

[info]anarqueso
2006-01-08 04:33 pm UTC (link)
You want all of us to poll our Midwest LJ friends for their perspectives? Personally, I find Midwesterners kind of mysterious and mildly exotic, just because they're not huggy Californians or loud kissy New York Jews. Every time I make friends with one, I ask them what it means to be Midwestern. They always look surprised and uncomfortable, but some of them give interesting answers.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

[info]nuncstans
2006-01-08 05:24 pm UTC (link)
Yes please! I have friends who came out of the Midwest, but they all CAME OUT OF the Midwest, so I think I may be biased since I don't really know anyone who proudly self-identifies as midwestern and has never expatriated, except certain members of my extended family whom I've never met because they hate Jews.

(Reply to this) (Parent)

[info]ms_priestypants
2006-01-08 05:43 pm UTC (link)
I spent some summers in Ann Arbor for mime camp, a really long time ago, but it seemed like there was some sort of little area downtown that was kind of arty and friendly? I just remember wandering around a sort of village and eating lunch there by myself in a little student oriented restaurant and not feeling so ridiculous. So hopefully you can find the normal, seen-a-Jew-before kind ofplaces soon.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

[info]nuncstans
2006-01-08 06:34 pm UTC (link)
The thing is, I'm sure this place is full of Jews. This is surely offensive, but to me the Jews here are kind of crypto. I can't tell who's a Jew. The culture is totally different, the mannerisms are totally different. I feel like this is the kind of place where as long as you act "perfectly normal" (a.k.a. within a narrowly-prescribed set of phonemes, gestures and volumes as per [info]mistersmearcase's comment) no one will be bothered that you're jewish, just as no one will be bothered by the fact that you're black or asian or latino or whatever. But if you start doing the jew-talk, and the jew-attitude, and the jew-vocabulary, people react. I said "shlepp" to a lady working at the University, and as I was saying it I had a moment where I was like "should I...no, shlepp is on like Everybody Loves Raymond, it's totally mainstream." So I said the move had been a shlepp, and she just started laughing nervously, hysterically, and then changed the subject!

Similarly, I was talking to a woman while I was visiting here. She asked where I lived and I said "Brooklyn". "Brooklyn!" she trumpeted, and then she called to her husband, "Brooklyn, honey!" and started laughing hysterically and then sort of tapered off with a long sigh, as I stood there dumbfounded, and then she changed the subject.

(Reply to this) (Parent)
i'm a midwesterner...
[info]modernmedusa
2006-01-08 08:35 pm UTC (link)
and yes, i left. i was recently back there (missouri) in november for my ten year high school reunion and it was...well...weird. that's not to say that all of the people were bad, though - people i hadn't really been close to were there and they were all very cool. one guy was gay, living in a tiny town (hannibal, mo) and was a social worker, which freaked me out because it seemed so anti-missouri.
i would say to keep your chin up and people will come around - they're just scared of the "unknown" (you know - anyone not exactly like them). it might take a little while but i promise it will get better (just don't talk about politics! - kidding. sort of.).

(Reply to this) (Thread)
Re: i'm a midwesterner...
[info]nuncstans
2006-01-08 09:03 pm UTC (link)
it might take a little while but i promise it will get better (just don't talk about politics! - kidding. sort of.

Whatever it takes...

(Reply to this) (Parent)

[info]alsoname
2006-01-08 08:37 pm UTC (link)
What is up with acting like the fact that I'm not born 'n' raised here, as in here in this store, ought to make me ashamed?

Heh. When me and MNBXH (ask Constintina) moved here, we were in Circuit City or some such place looking for a phone-jack-related item. A woman in there was helping us, and said, "We don't have that, but you may want to try next door."

"What's next door?" asks MNBXH.

She knits her brows together in confusion. "The next building over," she clarifies.

"Oh," says MNBXH. "I mean, what is the name of the business you are referring to. See, I don't work here five days a week, so I don't know everything that you know."

Only in reality the phrasing was much funnier, and the meanness was much more subtle. The woman actually laughed after he said it.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

[info]nuncstans
2006-01-08 09:06 pm UTC (link)
Nice one. That's one of my favorite forms of human misjudgment, when you assumed that because you know something, everyone else must know it too...unless they're STUPID. Which conveniently makes anyone not in your immediate circle of friends/family STUPID. Foreigners are the stupidEST, because they don't know hardly ANYTHING you know. It's like the you-centric universe (youniverse), where the center of knowledge and culture is whatever happens to be most obvious to you.

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)
(no subject) - [info]mjmj, 2006-01-09 12:33 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]functionary, 2006-01-09 03:27 am UTC

[info]amillionandone
2006-01-08 09:00 pm UTC (link)
There's a chance we may be in Ann Arbor or Ypsilanti soon. I will keep you posted as soon as I know more. A traveling caravan of five New Yorkers and a bald guy from L.A. will hopefully raise your spirits a bit.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

[info]nuncstans
2006-01-08 09:02 pm UTC (link)
OMG! Awesome! We'll hit jimmy johnz!!!

(Reply to this) (Parent)

[info]mjmj
2006-01-09 12:27 am UTC (link)
maybe you're on to something about this unfriendliness of midwesterners. look at mary tyler moore. she was gonna "make it after all", but did she? lived there for years and her only friends were co-workers and a few of her neighbors. how could they not like her? she had spunk.

anyway. i hope it works out better for you in the coming months.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

[info]nuncstans
2006-01-09 04:17 am UTC (link)
Thanks. If I have anything in common with MTM, that's got to be an accomplishment, even if it's just being ignored by the same region.

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)
(no subject) - [info]mjmj, 2006-01-09 06:32 pm UTC

[info]pomo_drunkard
2006-01-09 03:25 am UTC (link)
Okay, I'm going to fix you with a little Midwestern look, and ask, "what in the H-E-Double Hockey Sticks does 'trayfest' mean?"

[pause, singling a non sequitur coming]

I feel like I should defend the Midwest--my Vaterland, after all--but then I remembered that I left there the moment I could open my own bank account and start putting money into it (without any trouble from the tellers, as far as I can remember).

So yeah. Hang in there. Once you settle down, buy a home, and join the right church, you should be okay.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

[info]nuncstans
2006-01-09 04:21 am UTC (link)
trayfest=most trayf alt. treyf alt probably ten other spellings (that's diaspora for you). Not kosher.

And yeah, I was thinking of you, and [info]modernmedusa, and [info]claudelemonde and my close friend R when I wrote that, because you all have the key characteristic of having left the midwest and by definition being open to nonmidwesterners. BTW, as a midwest expat, how abrasive is my way of talking? [ie to someone who's fixing me with a little Midwestern look here at the corner store when I ask for something].

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)
(no subject) - [info]pomo_drunkard, 2006-01-09 10:53 pm UTC

[info]pomo_drunkard
2006-01-09 03:26 am UTC (link)
[Incidentally, I find it funny that while in Michigan, the music you're listening to is Sufjan Stevens...but from the Illinois album.]

(Reply to this) (Thread)

[info]nuncstans
2006-01-09 04:23 am UTC (link)
is there a Michigan album? I just know from the ten thousand tracks [info]universaldonor put on my computer right before I left.

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)
(no subject) - [info]pomo_drunkard, 2006-01-09 05:36 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]nuncstans, 2006-01-09 05:40 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]pomo_drunkard, 2006-01-09 05:58 am UTC

[info]neurasthenia
2006-01-09 04:48 am UTC (link)
When I first came to Chicago, a supervisor told me I was too "direct" and "East Coast." And I grew up in DC, not New York.

Still, just because of its size, ties, etc., I assume matters proceed at a faster pace here than in Ann Arbor. Certainly I encounter more dark-haired people(s). I've only driven through and flown over other Midwestern states, but I've stopped for lunch or gas in places as large as Indianapolis and felt like an alien.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

[info]nuncstans
2006-01-09 05:23 am UTC (link)
Awesome. Now I see what the problem is: I'm too direct. I'm sure that's what it is, too. But I just don't have any small talk in my soul. How can I chitchat before asking a question? How can I get someone's attention without saying "Excuse me?!" and can I really say, for example, "Excuse me?! Nice weather we're having! Cold enough for ya? Now, what was I going to say...oh yes, can you tell me how to get to the drug store?"

Or is that what you have to do here?

(Reply to this) (Parent)

[info]pomo_drunkard
2006-01-09 05:31 am UTC (link)
Oh yes. Sufjan Stevens declared he was going to do an album to each of the 50 states: Michigan was his first. "Greetings from Michigan." If you like "Illinoise" you'll probably like Michigan. It's really terribly pretty. If you didn't like Illinois, don't check out Michigan.

I listen to Illinois more, though.

(Reply to this)


[info]commonreader
2006-01-09 06:12 am UTC (link)
Hey, this is great, I've been feeling really crappy about living in SF and now I feel a lot better!

(Reply to this) (Thread)

[info]nuncstans
2006-01-09 06:23 am UTC (link)
Always glad to help.

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)
(no subject) - [info]commonreader, 2006-01-09 06:26 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]nuncstans, 2006-01-09 06:46 am UTC

[info]rgay
2006-01-09 07:03 am UTC (link)
I came here from anarqueso's post. I made some comments there then came here and realized you're in Michigan which negates much of what I said. I too live in Michigan. This is a strange place and quite unlike other Midwestern locales cuz Midwesterners can be awesome. Michiganers, not so much. I can hook you up with my cousin who goes to UMich down there if you'd like. He started his phd there in September and can clue you in to some stuff going on there. Hit me up at rgay74 at gmail dot com if you're interested. We can also talk about my initial Michigan findings (I started my phd program at Mich Tech in August), if you'd like. A lot of it is that Scandanavians are weird. I say that in all kindness.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

[info]nuncstans
2006-01-09 07:09 am UTC (link)
Hey thanks, that sounds awesome! I'll drop you a line tomorrow after work.

(Reply to this) (Parent)
Part I
[info]maeve66
2006-01-09 07:57 am UTC (link)
I am here from [info]anarqueso, too -- hey, we're actually demonstrating her theories about or experiments in community, right now.

The comments that made instant sense to me are [info]mistersmearcase's and [info]rgay's, above. Although I'd be interested to hear what [info]prof_southbay has to say about Ann Arbor, specifically.

I'm in Oakland now, but I was born in Madison, Wisconsin and grew up in Evanston, Illinois, which on the internet counts as Chicago, apparently. I even went to grad school in Missouri (thought I've debated before on LJ as to whether Missouri is the Midwest or the South, and personally, except for the 1-70 corridor, I think it's the South). But most of my life experience is with Chicago. And it would be easy to say that Chicago is not the whole Midwestern story. It's not small town. It's not monochromatic in skin shade, thank god. It's not monoreligious. There are left politics there, though it's a more fractious and exasperating set of mini-communities than the Bay Area, as far as I can tell. But... but Chicago is still the Midwest, in a way.

I didn't flee the Midwest, and in lots of ways, I would find it easy to live in Chicago again, or Madison for that matter. Sometimes I miss the Midwest deeply. By that token, I think I am still a Midwesterner who can try to stick up for it, or give it a spin that might seem better. But... I kind of agree with [info]rgay that Michiganders can be colder and more xenophobic than other Midwesterners. Your anecdotes illustrate that perfectly.

So... first, I think you're right about the timing and the weather. Winter would be a shitty time to encounter the Midwest in general and Ann Arbor, Michigan, in particular. Second, joining a doctoral program in situ and in the middle of the school year has gotta be rough. I'd never heard of the notion of the stealth Jews before... I hope it's not culturally true, but only that you haven't encountered folks yet, in your two weeks.

But... hmmm. What's your field? What are the possibilities among the grad students you've met? Maybe especially the first year MA students, since they've been there the least amount of time and won't have sunk many roots yet, either? [NB -- I'm too long-winded for LiveJournal, so I have to cut this in two.]

(Reply to this) (Thread)
Re: Part I
[info]nuncstans
2006-01-10 06:53 pm UTC (link)
I am here from [info]anarqueso, too -- hey, we're actually demonstrating her theories about or experiments in community, right now.

I love it!

I'm in a literature department; and actually, in the strange way that right after starting therapy I got a job offer, yesterday I actually ran into about six different grad students/faculty from the department who each invited me to do something different. I guess the seeds were just a little slow to sprout... Although none of those people is from Michigan, which doesn't take care of my midwestern issues.

(Reply to this) (Parent)
Part II
[info]maeve66
2006-01-09 07:57 am UTC (link)
I've been out here for so long now that it's becoming a little hard to recall how I felt when I first got here seven and a half years ago, but I'm telling you, it sucked. It sucked for a long time. I've always been good at making friends, too, and California has a really friendly rep, and all, and the politics in the Bay Area should have equalled congeniality, but it was really, really hard to feel, um, heimlich here, for the first year or so. Maybe two. But I was older, and not in grad school, and single, and working as a teacher for the first time with no training at all. I think the opposite of those factors are all in your favor. What did I miss, as a transplanted Midwesterner?

The people I grew up knowing were not your straight Midwestern small town folk, for one thing, and my family are socialists, for another. But even trying to eliminate those differences... people in the Midwest seemed to me to be very down to earth. They don't generally flirt with every cultural whim that floats by. They don't seem to be as concerned about their appearance and how well they match the cover of some magazine. Often, they're calm. I know that can get aggravating eventually, but sometimes it's relaxing. They tend to have good bullshit detectors. I think once they make friendships they're pretty rock-steady loyal.

Ann Arbor can be lovely in the Spring and Summer -- Michigan is really good for apples. There's a pretty strong left tradition in Detroit and Ann Arbor (and for paeans to Detroit's rugged and stubborn and crazy artistic inventiveness, you should read some of [info]amarama's posts on the subject. Detroit is a city, even if it's a burnt out shell in some ways. It has a big Arab population and good ethnic restaurants of various kinds. It has Diego Rivera murals at the Art Institute. It has pretty fascinating community politics around urban renewal and deindustrialization and race. New York friends who have to go to Detroit for political reasons (it's where our national center is, for Solidarity, the socialist group I'm a member of) do say there are no bagels worth having, but I guess I don't expect that.

I'd have to know other things you like to think of other things that can make Ann Arbor livable, but if there's any chance you ever read trashy mysteries, there's a whole series set in Ann Arbor in the 80s and early 90s by a woman called Susan Holtzer. The first one is called Something to Kill For. They feature a computer consultant named Anneke Haagen (the computer stuff is so quaint that it's cute, these days) and a lot of references to the University.

Sorry -- I tend to minister to almost any mind dis-eased (that is, not ill but unhappy) with books. Do you mind if I friend you, by the way? I want to hear more of your story.

(Reply to this) (Thread)
Re: Part II
[info]nuncstans
2006-01-10 06:57 pm UTC (link)
Often, they're calm. Maybe that's why my, um, "lovable neurosis" comes off wrong here.

Actually, the people I hung out with yesterday spent hours raving about Detroit, and it seems like that's a big part of the solution to my problem: finding people with cars, and getting out of here on the weekends. And I have yet to find an edible bagel here, seriously, although my sister keeps yelling at me to try some local bizarrity called "fragels" which sounds like a Jim Hensen bagel, but whatever...
Thanks for the mysteries recommendations, I'll totally check them out (literally, of the library) because they sound like good nighttime reading.

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)
Re: Part II - [info]maeve66, 2006-01-13 02:56 am UTC

[info]angiereedgarner
2006-01-09 01:35 pm UTC (link)
Hi, surfed here when I heard you were struggling with the midwest, as I have just had a difficult fall here in Ohio.

I'm living in a town of 2,200 blond German-Americans. My mail gets where it is going a day earlier than promised, and they approve of the fact that I both walk and pick up after my dog with great vigor. They are still adjusting to leashes and the expectation that people must keep their dogs restrained. But what I'm doing is obviously orderly and tidy. The mayor lives next door and assured me when I moved in that they just passed a curfew on the kids, since there had been some vandalism. I think a couple of signs got spraypainted, so now the teens have to be under cover after 10PM.

Let's see... I started getting overtures to join the stich and bitches (since I often wear handknit scarves/shawls) after about ~three months~. No kidding-- they watched me for that long, making sure I checked out. By the time the invites came I was too broken in spirit to get my ass to the SNB. Also and alas, I am not a SNB person. Were I, I could attend one started by local handcrafters, and one hosted through the women's studies dept. at the uni.

There are two coffeeshops ten miles away, in the college town of Oxford. One is a Starbucks, and the other has been bought by Christians. Christians often meet there in groups of two and three to discuss living right. There is a lot to it. It is really hard to hear, though fascinating like a trainwreck. I will never get over the day I heard a blonde 20-something do a 45 minute presentation on DAVID AND BATHSHEBA to two doe-eyed gently-reared teen girls. The upshot was, God will forgive you so don't spend time beating up yourself as you are taking from God what is properly God's, which is an opportunity to forgive you.

It goes like this:

1) you fuck up

2) you ask God's forgiveness

3) it's cool, you are done

If you still feel all guilty and stuff for the shitty thing you did, you must not have done 2) right.

Let's see. A trip to the emergency room meant I had to spend 15 minutes in conversation with the doctor post-exam, who turned out to be my neighbor, who is married to the presbyterian minister of the church just 100 yards up the road. Finally someone decides to talk to me, and it is when I am so sick I AM IN THE EMERGENCY ROOM. The doctor was from a far Chicago burb before she married, and maybe I still stink of Chicago just a little. I couldn't do much for her, as I am childless by choice and self-employed and she is a mother, doctor and minster's wife. But I tried to recognize her for her not-from-hereness, evidently she wanted that validated.

I had to buy a new car, though I prefer to be carless, and I spend a ton of time in it commuting to a couple of places in Cinci that feel right. I take work with and spend a lot of productive hours working in a Cinci coffeeshop that claims to be like those in Berlin (it actually is, tho' far more wholesome)getting gawked at by the Goth kids since I am the oldest person they have ever seen with black hair dye. When it is warm on the weekend mornings I go here, and read my NYT and hear live music and buy organic vegies and eat falafel and actually speak to people.

While I have my little strategies, I am not adjusting well and this fall has meant major stress. The funding for my partner's visiting position was cut so we will move somewhere else this summer. I'm entirely ready for that.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

[info]nuncstans
2006-01-10 07:01 pm UTC (link)
Hmm. I lived in a small college town in Ohio, but I suspect it wasn't the same one. I'm glad to hear you'll be moving, even though it's absolutely horrible, and unfair, when university's cut funding mid-year. It sounds like it's been really sucky for you, and I'm sorry. But going out sounds like it's key. I don't know Cincinnati, but any city will have advantages over the town (and following numerous people's suggestions, I'm planning to make trips to Detroit as my personal urban comfort zone).

THat Christian coffee shop stuff should be a short story. As reality, it sounds like my own personal hell. WHich maybe is why they do it!

(Reply to this) (Parent)

[info]lovelikeyeast
2006-01-09 02:42 pm UTC (link)
Hey!

I am a queer jewish transplant here in Ann Arbor (via california, though of a family of diehard new yorkers) and I want to meet you!

So here are a few things to know:

--for some reason, it took me about 8 months before people would acknowledge or talk to me while making eye contact and not rolling their eyes. There is definitely a palpable aura of Otherness that only time and bitterness will break in a little. I think it's like a general paying of dues, hazing, or perhaps general breakdown of psyche.

--Remember that west coast, east coast culture shits on & teases The Midwest and the people here know it. Think Townies v. Gownies. Also, I have come to painfully realize that: 1) people in the Bay Area talk about themselves, their feelings, always this is what they talk about; and that they 2) assume that people who don't are stupid. Really. Because if you aren't talking about your thoughts, you don't have them. I was pained to see that the stereotypes of the california people are true, and think I understand some of the defensiveness now. I have been horrified at how people from elsewhere visiting are often really condescending. I was when I came. I don't think I acted it, so much as exuded it. I think reactions to people visibly not From Here are a combination of xenophobic, defensive, or (alternately) interested in the exotic.

--That said, I spent my first month here shrieking and clutching my gut because a new aquaintance, a pro-domme, had one of the thickest and most nasal of SE michigan accents. It was crazy. I kept picturing her saying "You've been a byaaaad bwoy!" You may enjoy this excellent guide.

--This area is racially segregated in an intense way I have never experienced in my life before.

--I once, and only once, went to a lesbian passover potluck sedar and could not fucking believe how bad the food was! I didn't think that was possible, jewish lesbians who don't cook? Someone brought tsimmes that had, I am not shitting you, canned fruit cocktail in it. Whoever once said that New Yorker goyim are more culturally Jewish than midwestern jews hit the nail right on the head.

--This place is socially very grim all the time, but things are better (and also beautiful) in spring-summer-fall. It is also usually below zero right now this time of year, so people are kind of out and about a little more than usual right now, believe it or not.

--The industrial cities of the midwest are really very beautiful to me, and detroit has its own unbelievable brand of fucked up amazing stuff to see. People in ann arbor, if you haven't noticed, are really afraid of detroit.

--Ypsilanti looks, and in good part, is a strip mall, but has a lot more outsider/working class/weird fucked up/interesting stuff going.

--You will never see worse-dressed fags. I at first found this endearing, but now it makes me sad.

Oh, there is so much more!

(Reply to this) (Thread)

[info]susanstinson
2006-01-09 03:50 pm UTC (link)
Yay! I was just about to suggest a search for your amazing gaggle of rad and fab queers in Ann Arbor..

(Reply to this) (Parent)
(no subject) - [info]purejuice, 2006-01-09 04:27 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]nuncstans, 2006-01-10 07:04 pm UTC

[info]lovelikeyeast
2006-01-09 03:56 pm UTC (link)
More Townie! talk

I have an mfa and promptly left academia, and did/do not go to school here or work for the u. (though I have friends who do), so take this with a grain of salt...

--There are 2 phrases that strike dread with cynical locals: art fair and football. You'll see. However, there are also a lot of locals who love both, and the rest of us lie low and bitch.

--New students annoy locals. That's because there are soooooo many, all of whom eventually leave, so why bother? (It's not that huge a town, so the transient population thing is palpable.) Also, there is a world beyond here? Who cares! There is not much value or usefulness placed on that which is not from here. [Also related: Are you an oriental? If you don't know what Jimmy John's is, how did you get into UM?] New students also often drag parents to visit at the beginning & end of semesters, and the parents never know where they're driving, blocking traffic, getting "confused" by the one-way streets.

--There is that big divide between academics and non-academics. People who are locals and/or going to EMU, Wayne State, community colleges, tend to straddle that divide more. But serious (i.e., UM) academics, despite being generally poor, are ambitious and do not like to envision a life just having a job (and/or non-academic career) and just living & working here. So, there is some defensive-to-hostile attitude, thinly veiled in polite coldness.

Okay, done for the day! ta.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

[info]lovelikeyeast
2006-01-09 04:48 pm UTC (link)
I lied, I am waiting for some materials and can't stop myself.

These may help ease the pain:

I'm sure you know of the aa craig's list, but it seems that the rest of ann arbor does not.

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)
(no subject) - [info]nuncstans, 2006-01-10 07:13 pm UTC
Found - [info]diemoniker, 2006-01-12 03:24 am UTC
Re: Found - [info]pomo_drunkard, 2006-01-12 06:58 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]nuncstans, 2006-01-10 07:11 pm UTC
hello over there!
[info]rubychard
2006-01-09 05:47 pm UTC (link)
i can't claim to offer you any understanding of the midwest: all i have to go on is a few weekends in madison, one in chicago, and a few days visiting the place of your undergrad studies: and that's not representative AT ALL. so both me and my lived experience is northeast through and through.

but even without all the blondes and cold bacon sandwiches and strange meowing cars (wtf, really?) new places are weird. nyc is very clearly where i belong now, but i moved here knowing three people total, and the first few months were totally isolating- i remember wandering about williamsburg on saturday night, trying to pretend i had something to do besides go in and out of bookstores and cafes... and then it got better, and now it's my life, and it's great- so there's always that part of moving adjustments.

admittedly it helps when people don't make you feel like an alien: but i doubt yr nyc people were found initially behind the desks at hardware stores, right? and ann arbor is a university town, so there have to be other alientated loud jews, radicals, people who eat well, and all that. i refuse to believe there aren't.

at the very least, though, the virtual world seems to be representing itself well on your lj...

(Reply to this) (Thread)
Re: hello over there!
[info]nuncstans
2006-01-10 07:16 pm UTC (link)
I'm thrilled with this demonstration in virtual community (I even feel like the adjective 'virtual' is a little unfair here, even though in some literal sense it's correct)!

But yeah, thanks for the reality reminder. Moving does always require adjustments and some amount of loneliness is just going to be par for the course plus other cliches!

(Reply to this) (Parent)

[info]commonreader
2006-01-10 05:04 am UTC (link)
I really like how no one seems to get the direct connection between the racial segregation and all the other stuff.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

[info]nuncstans
2006-01-10 07:17 pm UTC (link)
What do you mean? In the comments to this post? Or in Ann Arbor? Both?

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)
(no subject) - [info]commonreader, 2006-01-10 07:19 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]nuncstans, 2006-01-10 07:21 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]commonreader, 2006-01-10 07:28 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]nuncstans, 2006-01-10 07:32 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]commonreader, 2006-01-10 07:41 pm UTC
Beware the Leopard
[info]pomo_drunkard
2006-01-10 03:32 pm UTC (link)
Let's compare:
"The linens are in fact hidden under a pile of fur capes, in the middle of the room, crowned by some kind of animal skull."

vs. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy:

"I had to go down to the cellar."
"That's the display department."
"With a torch," Arthur continued.
"Ah. The lights had probably gone."
"So had the stairs."
"Well you found the notice, didn't you?"
"Yes. Yes I did. I found it at the bottom of a locked filing cabinet, in a dis-used lavatory with a sign on the door saying 'Beware of the leopard.'."

Actually, I'm just going to throw this up here, without further comment.

(Reply to this) (Thread)
Re: Beware the Leopard
[info]nuncstans
2006-01-10 07:20 pm UTC (link)
V. appropriate, Adams is always appreciated. Interestingly enough, the first "friend" I really made here (yesterday) had a prominently displayed hardcover one-volume Hitchhiker collection (the same one I have or at least had at my parents' house back in the day). Also I do feel like I'm always carrying some kind of towel-substitute around here in my overprovisioned backpack, but it also just feels a bit like camping and I feel a bit like a boy scout.

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)
Re: Beware the Leopard - [info]nuncstans, 2006-01-10 08:08 pm UTC

[info]bookwormpride
2006-01-13 07:33 pm UTC (link)
maybe you should meet "slanderous."

I moved to A-squared, as my geeky math teacher called it, after growing up in southern CA. Between sophomore and junior year of high school. I quickly developed an obsession with books about American Jews since I felt something was missing. Lest you find this offensive, I assure you it was all quite naive and inductive.

uh. but there ARE nice, interesting people in A^2. Just takes awhile to meet em. I had friends after awhile. And then I moved again. But there you are.

(Reply to this)

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